Corruption, conspiracy, domination, submission, consumption, politics, society.....

Is it all down hill, are we stuck in neutral here? There isnt much control obviously, there's pills and therapists, church and crazy houses.

So you dont want to consume, but you can't help it. There's that sweater you want, that alcohol, that one glass of choclate milk. You'll never stop, it's in your head, you must, you will, you cant turn away.

Do i like rap, pop, rock, classic? So I know anymore, where have all the coyboys gone? No one even knows what they want, who they are, who they're friends and family are. We are all SO consumed.

So stop shopping, stop buying, stop using electricity, live in the woods.....you will consume. You will consume...you will consume....you will consume. And you will still be adding to problems.

We're all so submissive, yet craving dominance. Choose one, will you be led or will you lead? You cant have both, and you can barely have one.

You will always be taking from the less fortunate and you will always be part of a corrupt society. There really isnt bliss, labotomy, that may work, take my thinking parts and and and.....

Money, greed, racism, judgment it's been here all along, humans are humans are humans......YOU will never be anything except a human.

Over think things, work every day, never have "Enough", consume, pollute, take...give pennies to children who are working everyday, everyday and everytime you cry.....they wont hear it. And everytime you give pennies, they wont even know it.

Threats, terror, media. Media is a terror. Media is a worldwide terror. But you cant look away because every single place you look you are hypnotized.

I dont even know what i want anymore because i am HAMMERED everyday by eat this, but this, dont do that, this is cool, this is bad, this is good, this is YOUR LIFE AND DO AS I SAY.

Who's to say one is wrong and one is right. Why even bother to hate and kill and bomb and destroy. Why? No one even knows because it is all down hill and there isnt any control left. No matter what you do, no one is changing.

Do you understand......my opinions, they are not your opinions and I have no control.

I just have thought and is it even my own anymore?

In between here and there, scattered thoughts of this and that. Sleep, sort of. Warm, sometimes. Sweating it, always. There’s no in between from there to here. There’s time, money, tears, salt, rock, and waves…..too many waves. What’s the same, the pillow is all. Full of salt and time and disillusion. Rarely sleep, and not much substance. Breath on me, but it’s blowing me off. Wondering, waiting, wasting, water sucks away time. In between here and there is thought, and finally sleep. In between here and there is nothing I need to wake for. The wheels are turning, around and away. Is there endings, circling beginnings? Broken beginnings don’t make happy endings.

so this desk has seen storms more often than any shoulder. My eyes burn from the screen, the tears, the hurt......The one thing in my life I'm sure i never want to lose and i keep throwing it away. My heart hurts so much, my throat has a lump thats been there for months. I feel like there is nothing i can do to fix everything i keep screwing up. I'm wasting my life, his life, all time. Depressed shouldnt be a word i know in my life...his life....its too hard. I dont know what to do ever, i confused myself, everyone. I feel we have nothing left and i'm holding on to something that fell apart long ago. I beat myself up about it everytime and i never resolve anything. Now i've become jealous, annoyed and beyond sad. I am not who i am right now. Everything is wrong, and i dont knwo how to just say "fuck it." I'm too worried, paranoid. I overthink everything. I just want him happy and losing him isnt right...nothing right now is right and it hasnt been for a long time.

i love you
and i'm ruining you.

Hair gel, hair spray, wax.....I'm 14 or I may be 16
Holding hands through mittens and fingerless gloves......I'm 5 and I giggle
Birds flutter......I'm in the sun, the summer
The mirror....I'm 18 and would wish to revert
The mirror.....I'm 14 and lost.